just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
