wrigley field is MILF paradise
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
