Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
