i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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