My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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