first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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