just tell him i said nine months
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
