Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
you made out with another girl for some wings
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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