omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Randomize
