it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
