why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Success! We fucked roommates!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
