My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize