What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
