I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
