How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I look better un-naked...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
