is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
