i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
