No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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