She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
