idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize