So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
