I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
