Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
