): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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