Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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