he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Randomize
