All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize