My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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