Only a mothe r could love this liver
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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