i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
