yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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