tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
