I think I am morally bankrupt
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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