I like to think it a success when the cops are called
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
