I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
