My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
