You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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