he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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