he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
