The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize