There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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