You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
