How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
