seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize