please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
