everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
