so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
