My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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