Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
