a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
