I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
