Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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