saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
