i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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