With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
