my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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