The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
