So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
