I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize