Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
please come you make the beer taste better
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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