so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
