At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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