he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
