Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
