Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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