I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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