i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
