How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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