i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
