The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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