I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
