Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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