I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
