every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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