This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
