Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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