I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
