I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
