That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
