Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
