OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
