I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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