What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Randomize
