You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
