Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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