Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my shit smells like andre
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
