Capitaan dildo arrescate!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I can't put those talents on a resume
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
