If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
