Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
