I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I need to calm my uterus...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
