How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize