This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
