ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
