I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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